looking back from the silVer lining

as it is customary with any undertaking of mine, i procrastinate a little; even when it comes to celebrating the silvEr jubilEE. as a matter of fact, that is the only thing that has taken my life through the course it has taken. i see it clearly, how it has shaped me. if i stop to pracastinate, its as if i'm loosing my identity. its these little careless acts of so called misbehaviour and bad habits that makes the human life all the more twitched and interesting. without these what else can identify ourselves from the computer? (pardon Windows users. its more unpredictable than women).

so what do i feel when i look back at the 25 years i have lived out?
if that was someone else i would have slapped his/her face (atleast verbally), but under this circumstance, its me and i dont have an easy escape from the answer. i would like to make this very very clear- i dont have any regrets except for a span of 4 years in this 25. those are the years i spent, i breathed, i lived for living and those are my college days- the engineering days. it took away the hard earned self from me which i could recover only later with the help of a genious. in fact i'll say, he is the one who has made the present day me (of course after my Parents). he is the best friend and mentor i ever had.

thanks macha...
i reclaimed my life, thanks to you...

my Parents need no mention. i'm sure, if i intend to thank Them i will be doing a terrible job, coz words cannot express nor the heart cannot oralize the importance They had in my life. i dont want to walk the cliched path. PERIOD.

clEaning up

"Procrastinate, don't put it up for later".

Yeah, I did just that over the weekend. This was one weekend where I got whole two days in hand after so many weekends of endless travels and escapades.

Just another boring weekend. Yeah really. I wanted to accomplish everything under the sun and perhaps somethings above it too. I'm quite unwilling to fill up my blog with junk. I've been tinkering around with ideas for my next blog. Thing's like state of education in India, the shoddy "software power" of India, US interventions around the world and so on the list goes on. After my dear buddy cum guide Ajay's resignation in pursuit of happiness (civil services gives him, his share of happiness), the weekends as well as weekdays are a matter of just pushing the hours. The only thing I voluntarily does tends to NULL on weekends (really, even food, call of the nature, washing, calling up old pals, going for a religious visit, even writing this blog have all become things done out of some sort of obligation).
To have some change to this mediocre, monotonous routine, I decided to clean up everything. As somebody always puts it, a healthy mind in a healthy body and a healthy body in a healthy atmosphere, I decided to clean up my life. Oh I'm not being philosophical. Just that I decided to clean up my room. First of all the debris in my room. I took up almost 2 hours. After that I felt it was worth it. Just then I remembered how important is my online avatar is and quickly decided to clean it up like remove unknown friends, communities in which I'm inactive or they are and such stuff. While I'm writing up this blog, I'm doing just that.

So let me getup and continue my cleaning. Dedicating today to clean up my life....

Thats all Folks...

Inanimados mi Amigo

During the glorious moments stretching from 10.50am to 11.00am on Tuesday, the 20th of February in the year of our Lord 2008, some gentleman (judgements are better left to the heavens) had the better of me and became the proud owner of my long time friend, who people usually refer to as mobile phone or cellular phone.

This gruesome (again, how can i judge this, pardon me) incident happened on my way to office which is situated in one of the posh localities of Bangalore, called Jayanagar. With the sole aim preserving natural resources and being a higly civic and environmentlay conscious young man, I had decieded to use the non-punctual and congested public service transporation provided by the local civic body called the BMTC (abbreviation for Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation). It never had occured to me in my wildest dreams that the accolade will be so fast (fast being relative, I would like to take this occasision to announce the 13th month of usage of this amigo). If I can be called superstitious it is because of the number 13, what the intellegensia will call triskaedekaphobia. This is the biggest loss I suffered thanks to 13, so far (other losses being that of erasers, pencils, girl friends, wickets etc).

So let me elaborate on my experince during this 10 minutes (which seemed to stretch on for eternity) for the sake of those environemntally and civic conscious people travelling in Bangalore. The day was quite hot (it was already 11 at noon) and I had managed to occupy a seat next to window at the back seat on a low class BMTC bus on a day when all hell must have broken loose. The journey as always was quite uneventfull and so it went on untill the bus stop where I was shceduled to get down. As I was wading my way through the thick undergrowth of luggage and the huge trees of passengers, I saw the conductor and went on to get the balance amount from him. I got the balance amount and by that time the bus was about to start from the stop even when people were still alighting and embarking (that is not an uncommon sight in this city or any other Indian cities).

The following things happened during the short period when I was stepping down from the last step of the footboard on to the road. I felt some lightness in my pant's left pocket and my hand instinctively went to feel for that pocket. There it was, the pocket was empty. I realized that I lost my mobile and I was standing on road. (Wow, huow much time that really took? I'm impressed at my quick reaction).

My immediate reaction was that I must have lost my mobile in the rush from my rather small pocket. I suddenly jumped back to the bus and started searching the floor of the bus. By this time the bus had started to move slowly. while the search was going on, Somehow I managed to utter in some version of hindi that I had lost my mobile. Then some fellas in the bus told me something in Hindi, which according to my translator meant that the mobile was dropped on the road. Suddenly I got off the bus and went to the bus stop a few metres back. There I searched and the bystanders told that there was no mobile dropeed there. Then I felt that the mobile must be in the bus (during this time It never occured to me that it might be stolen) and went back runnnig to the bus and boarded it. This time I realized what the passengers actually told. It was that some guy had taken the mobile and got down at the bus stop. They also told that he was wearting a black shirt. I jumped from the bus when it was already moving at a good speed and went back in search of the gentleman-wearing-black-shirt. But it was in vain. If my mobile was a needle and someone dropped it in a haystack, I would have gladly searched for it. But this place is like a haystack with lots and lots of black holes in it. Nothing is coming back.

That was it. The pain striked me hard. It was a terrible feeling. Finally I realized that my mobile was indeed stolen (judgements?... f&*k...). I was cursing anyone and evryone and everything. It took me some time to come in terms with the reality. I got back into my senses. I did the next sensible thing to do. Went to a telephone booth and tried to call my number. it was unreachable (of course u idiot, he must be a seasoned theif). Then i called the service provider and asked to block my SIM.

After coming to bangalore, I had heard a lot of stories of people losing there mobiles (from the cheapest ones to the premium ones). I thought that those people are just careless or dumb. I always took pride in myself that noone will be able to steal anything from me. But today I had found (that was poetry, actaully I never even had a glance of the fella) my nemesis. I understood that it is possible to lose something even after taking all the practical precautions.

My day at the office was doomed. I didn't had the mood for anthing. I was so depressd. its not the loss of money that bothered me. It was the feeling that I had lost a friend of mine. I was very much attached to that friend (not an addict). I always considered it as an integral part of me. It was the first mobile I had bought with the money I had earned, blah blah blah.
So thats how I came to lose my mobile and joined the ranks of billions who does not own this piece of communication equipment (do I sound like some right wing media?).

Today morning when I woke up, I felt that the loss of my mobile was a dream and went for the mobile placed beside my bed. but the harshness of realuty punctured the confidence and smile and all that was good in me for another day of my life.

After reading thorugh the above mentioned story of riches to rags, my fans will be in tears, I know. But kindly bear with me. In this time of despair we should stand all the more together and try to bring some cheer around. For this you just have to contribute a sum of not more than 10grands towards my Mobile releif fund. Of course you will receive my personally aotographed replies and special mention in Forbes magazine.

With lots of love to my mobi,

May my Inanimados amigo rest in someones hand in pieces.

NB: pieces? yeah i mean it...

anothEr yEar fading away into the oblivion

So, whats in store for this post? hoping for anything big? u r at the wrong place pal. this is just the paroxysms of a vagabond who found that his great blog doesn't had an inputs after the month of July in the year of our Lord 2007.
let me think. what all things significant happened in my life this year? ah, bullocks... absolutely nothing worthwhile. that means i wasted another year. very true indeed, in the list of wasted years I think this will constitute number 23.
let me, for the sake of mentioning anything recollect something in this year (2007). the first thing that came into my mind was the celebration of the first year of my painful, good for nothing, mediocre existence-supporting-action (abbreviation for a job). ah, pride goes before a fall... thats what my mind/conscience told me when i wrote the previous line. so tell me my conscience, whats so exiting in my pathetic existence? philosophers will start with stuff like, if you eat one meal you are one among a billion, if you drink potable water, you are one in a million...SHIT. shut up. I'm trying to live here. what is the point in living if you are not making your mark? likewise as I asked before what is the point of simply existing?
these are questions that I'm asking myself all these days, to put it more in physical duration, for the past 2 year or so.
I'm unable to find the answer. perhaps i don't know what to do with my life. i still haven't found my passion. I'm waiting for it, I'm praying for it. like mr Gandhi, like sister Teresa, like ms Medha, like THEM, I'm waiting for that spark. i sincerely believe that will ignite me once. i strongly believe that my purpose in this world is not over. i still hope 2008 will give me a turn in my life. a turn that I'm still yearning. a path I'm still searching.

Once i'm ignited...
Till then let me live on this thin margin of existence,
Let me laugh at the world that is evolving around me,
Till then its all roses along the way,
The ordinary is so over whelming,
I'm not trying to jump over the well of mediocrity.
To embed myself in this dull life,
To stay away from my distant dreams,
Not wanting to go in quest,
Let me live in this oblivion.
Years go by, wasted as they are, yet,
When I'm ignited...
When I'm beaten up and shaped in the
Fire that my creator keep for me
I fear to think about them,
Me a vagabond, is a better option,
Still... When I'm ....

b'days :-)

somewhere around the world population day (if u r wondering when is that; its near my b'day, after all i'm not writing about world population) i celebrated my b'day which was the 23rd since i saw light in this world. so wats the big deal now, when nothing happened for the last 22 times? as a matter of fact, for the first 13 ones i dint had a pc, for the next 5, i was not going thru the net (too costly) and for the remaining, i was simply not into blogging. but the real reason is that, this is the time in the written history of my life (the one written in my memory) i had the most number of wishes from my friend. hey, i dint tell i received wishes in thousands, but almost 30-40. (hahaha, i hear the sarcastic laughs). if u thought getting 30 wishes is a reason to celebrate then just imagine the number of people who has remembered my b'day!!!
the only people who have ever remembered my b'day is of course my parents. not both of them, but my mom. my father always mistakes my sis' b'day for mine. so technically i don't blame him. i even have my sisters b'day as mine in my driving license. i have been bought up not to attach any over significance to my b'day. after all once you are born into this world, every day is God's gift. regardless, i always insist myself to attend a Holy Mass on that day. if i'm spending that day at home, mom used to prepare some special dishes or delicacies of my choice. that was the only incentive.
now when i think about such an upbringing, i'm always thankful to my parents. after all being ur b'day doesn't often work to your advantage in all the situations. coz of all these bringing-up stuff, b'days at school was seldom celebrated with just a toffee distribution among friends. thankful for the free toffee friends used to wish me. once i entered college, i deliberately lied or hid myself from all the queries pertaining to my b'day. partially bcoz i had the crooked philosophy that my true friends will find my b'day without my help and partially bcoz, i dint had much friends at college (although initially).
the thing or the event that caused such a surge in the number of wishers was the rise of orkut. oh God, it is wonderful. how can u miss ur frnds b'day if u find him smiling on ur orkut home page expecting a lot of warm wishes on his day? and that was the reason i has such a number of hits on my b'day. but wishing u on ur b'day does not make someone ur best frnd overnight or forgetting to wish does not make them enemies. even my room mates forgot to give me a kick i was expecting even when my another room mate's b'day was just the previous day. i cannot blame them as i forgot to congratulate my b'day-room-mate.
it's just quite a complicated thing. remembering these days and years. even though i liked history i find memorizing dates ruf and tuf for my mind. same is the case with names. many a times, i have read that women are more susceptible to missing wishes. i wonder wat me and my gang will do IF we got ourselves a girlfriend or wife.

for that i'm thankful that i don't have one.

anyway, thanks a lot to google and that fella orkutten. let me now get back to my work as my b'day does not make a big difference in my paycheck...

N.B- B'days can have a big impact on your wallet. So it will be better if u cud go bankrupt by the time ur b'day comes around. for that have b'days sometime around month ends. if u r already born with month early b'day, take care for ur children, i.e, plan accordingly.

intro and such sh*t

Hooowweee, i have a blog. gr8, so what the fuk? who cares? i don't care wat u think or wat others think. its just abt me. i will write wat i wanna write, when i wanna write and how i want it. i'm a troubled guy in search of meaning for this pathetic life of mine. yeah i mean pathetic, i.e i'm a software pro now, one in million in the freely available Bangalore city. the reason i reasoned i shud have a blog is that i needed to express wat i needed to express in one way or the another. so this is just one way. now a days i look back into life and think, just laugh at my thoughts and illussions (or disillusions) before a certain period of time. i think that this blog will serve the purpose of remembering these after some long time. oh watdfuk. where am i going?
So wat i intend to do is, i'ill write abt anything under the sun or maybe above it. that will purely be my opinion. and then???
wat u freako??? and then??? are u nuts??? i will write!!! that it... thats IT.
i beleive i'm a humorous pyscho. so all my blogs will be humorous as far as possible to me. (TAKE A MENTAL NOTE!!!) it will be after all silly. coz i'm just a kid (Billy the Kid).

he he he... enjoy maadi [:-)]
N.B:- Even now i don't know wat "maadi" in kannada means. my colleague used to wish me so (enjoy maadi) on every weekends.