thE grEat indian Election trick

The rise in power of the Indian middle class is no less explained by the great Indian unifier called the elections. this time to make matters more interesting to those who can read, is the latest IT oriented manifesto bought out by none other than bha ja pa or BJP.

delving deep in this episode, is into the atrocious chasms that our politicians get down to secure their powers. let me go down one such abyss to take a look at the offers that might woo the real silicon valley to India. it starts with the general rhetoric of every politician;

- 12 million job offers in the rural sector
Well not so bad. Already a million of the unorganized sector jobs have been lost to recession. remember so far recession has only started to grow its tentacles around India. just imagine what will be the scenario when it really grips India? never mind elect BJP to power and all this and more will come back.

- laptops at 10 grands for 10 million students
The wonderful performance of our students is because of the absence of laptops. had there been laptops they could have watched lots of porno, movies, songs with which they will become the best performers for any political party which is the party cadre. after all unemployed uneducated youth are the best cadre for any party.

- bank account for everyone
This one will definitely be a super hit in rural India and among the urban poor. (Only if banks will accept poverty and hunger as deposits).

- for people below the poverty line a smart mobile phone
Oh, why are these people below poverty line; its easy they don't have smart phone. its the only thing lacking in their life. with a smart phone they can google, consult with their American counterparts, place online order from shops & hotels and this will save them money which was earlier spend on food and clothing and occasionally on shelter. I thought BPL stood for below poverty line. Now i understand that it means below phone (smart) line.

- broadband connectivity in all villages
That is easy; we can make the poor in the villages to dig pits in which to lay the fiber optic cable which is going to bring in connectivity to their villages. once they have connectivity they need not travel (which was already difficult because of the absence of roads) and they can sell their goods in international market without middle men at international prices.

- internet in every school and countless other schemes.
Yes! phones with cameras are bad and they should be abolished in schools as they are spreading cheap porno among students. with broadband they can subscribe to high quality international porno which will enrich their international exposure)

- national digital highway
Already the national information highways are so congested that it takes days for essential supplies like smart phones and laptops to reach villages.

- Abolish sale of software that could not be used in regional languages
Someone please invent darwasas and kidkis for Indian computers.

Every election right from the first one saw politicians barging into the peaceful life on Indians with false and will-never-keep promises. but this undoubtedly is the best one which should be written in golden letters in the annals of all democratic constitutions.

After all who knows if BJP comes into power we may not even see people outside the streets (not because every one or the other will be killed in some communal riot but they will be busy enriching their lives in their digital fortresses.

an auction in action

India is a nation of great principles, morals and values. as a matter of fact we treat these items as prized and priced possessions and keep them in beautifully made up show cases and galleries, so that everyone can see them and no one can use them. yes that's the truth, nothing but the truth. all the goodness of a culture of millenniums are kept good and clean in the display cases of pure uselessness.

who or what was Gandhi? it was not his specs or his long walking stick or his bowls that made him the man the world knows. it was his principles of ahimsa and love. so instead of worshiping these principles as the main idols we are worshiping his glasses, watches and personal artifacts. it could not be explained better by the big hoopla created over the auction of some his personal items. it was as if the whole idea of Gandhi was contained in those 5 pieces of historical artifacts. only a few days ago was it discovered that wooden desks someone found from the governments store houses and cleaned and exported to some foreign nation were priceless pieces of history. not a big thing for we Indians, huh? we through away these items as junk and when some foreigner understands its value then suddenly we want it back. if it was not for the tourism dollars that our "crap" bought from these foreigners would we ever had maintained these things as we see today?

there was a lot of pep talk and requests and even diplomatic relations used to cancel the auction of Gandhi memorabilia. but the collector and the auction house went ahead and there was no return. whole political leadership and the middle class was in tantrums. gandhi was up for sale. how unthinkable. why dont we see the paradox. we had already ditched him in the ugliest and filthiest of sewers and his own land had set the precedence when thousands were massacred in the Gujarat riots. oh dont think that i'm a Gandhian. i am way below his perceptions of a free Indian. but what prompts mee to write this is the hypocrisy that surounds India and which has engulfed its people.

to get back to the story, finally salvation came to India when Vijay Mallya the liquor baron bought them for $1.8 million. the same kind of people who Gandhi despised. an Indian made rich by selling the very item Gandhi always wanted to ban. the man who lives in extreme luxury amidst the millions of poor, who brings out special swim suit issues of his calender, who owns yachts and even a cricket team (no problems for me, but again I dont think Gandhi will appprove) and the whole of India was praise for Mr Mallya. even the Navjivan trust who Gandhi himself established declared "Mallya made India proud". the whole of Gujarat was announced celebrating; celebrating the great Indian hypocrisy. the politicians were not left behind. cultural minister was speaking as if she instructed Mallya to bid for Gandhi even when Mallya was refusing this claim by saying he acted on his own.

Good thing the Mahatma was cremated otherwise he would have been twisting and turning in his grave.

mera bharat mahaan!!!